Words of a Poetically Perfect Angel: The 10 Most Ridiculous Lyrics on Mariah Carey's New Album

When one thinks of Mariah Carey, a few descriptions quickly come to mind: Mariah, the voice; Mariah, the diva; Mimi, the misunderstood, "eternally 12" eccentric. And while all three of those are perfectly appropriate ways to describe the (disputed) best selling female artist of all time, I'd like to propose a fourth designation: Mariah Carey, the ridiculously hilarious lyrical genius.

Even at the beginning of her career, when she was known more for powerful love ballads than the upbeat, remix-ready collaborations with rappers that have since helped to define her, Mariah Carey's songs were written more to showcase her legendary voice than to convey a story. Consequently, the lyrics to her records took a backseat to her vocal acrobats and, unfortunately, often still do. But they shouldn't -- at least not anymore -- because they're AMAZING.

In his review of Mariah's new album, Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel, Rich Juzwiak describes the difference between "Old Mariah" and "New Mariah," noting that "the line was drawn around the time of 1997's Butterfly, when her look became sexier, her music became more beat-driven...and her ultra-femme, sassy, slangy, ridiculous persona unfolded." As New Mariah emerged, she began to exercise more control over her music (a natural evolution for someone with proven success and, consequently, less people to answer to) and -- as Peggy Noonan would say -- let her freak flag fly. The best thing about New Mariah, in my opinion, is the fact that her songs often now include lyrics for the ages, little snippets of quotable heaven, so bad that they're good. (Really, really good.) As Juzwiak puts it, "Old Mariah sang songs that no one else could sing, while New Mariah sings songs that no one else would sing." These days, it's almost as if Mariah writes the lyrics to her songs whilst thinking to herself, "What kind of crazy shit can I put in here, get away with, and still make a record that people will want to listen to and buy?" This is no clearer anywhere than on her latest studio effort, in which nearly every track has at least one golden nugget of lyricism.

So, without further ado, I present to you my choices for the 10 most ridiculous lyrics on Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel (with a couple of combination picks, as I simply couldn't narrow it down any more than I already had):

10. From Ribbon: "Boy, I'm all wrapped up in you, you make me feel so unloose."

9. From Obsessed: "You're a mom and pop, I'm a corporation, I'm the press conference, you're a conversation."

8. From It's a Wrap: "Bump-bump-bump-bump, out in the open, don't make me go call Maury Povich."

7. From Candy Bling: "I'm the same Mimi, fame ain't changed me, butterfly flow like Muhammad Ali, wish I could bring you back like the O.D.B."

6. From Obsessed: "He's all up in my George Foreman."

5. From It's a Wrap: "Put all your shit in the elevator, it's goin' down like a denominator."

4. From The Impossible: "Love ya like free money, like a preacher loves Sunday, love ya like freeze pop, love ya like a milkshake."

Also, from the same song: "Love ya like kool-aid, Louis millionaire shades, love like sugar daddys, love ya like a pimp Caddy, love ya like a holiday, Duncan Hines yellow cake...love ya like layin' in a bed bumpin' Jodeci."

3. From More Than Just Friends: "We could spend a couple milly actin' silly in Milano, boy, hit your horn beep beep I'll follow, have your whip in my driveway by tomorrow, secretly I know you wanna hit it like the lotto, and after that we can ketcup like tomato."

Also, from the same song: "Boy, you got me all mixed up like Serato, you got me spinnin' round for ya like a lil' model, steady fiendin', boy, you like them fries at McDonald's, I wanna be all on your lips like gelato, permanently paint me in your picture like Picasso, love me down 'til I hit the top of my soprano."

2. From Betcha Gon' Know (The Prologue): "This is for real, for real, for real, Oprah Winfrey whole segment, for real, for real, 20/20 Barbara Walters, for real, for real, 60 Minutes for real."

1. From Up Out My Face: "Cause when I break, I break, I break, and no super glue can fix this shhh, when I break, I break, I break, not even a welder and a builder can rebuild this shhh, when I break, I break, I break, not even a nail technician with a whole lotta gel and acrylic can fix this, when I break, I break, if we were two lego blocks, even the Harvard University graduating class of 2010 couldn't put us back together again."

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And there you have it!

Have anything to add to the discussion? Disagree with the order of my choices? Think I included a lyric that didn't deserve to be in the Top 10? Believe that I overlooked a certain lyric and should have put it in the list? Feel free to hash it all out in the comments.